If I Had A Thousand Syrian Pounds...
(if I had a thousand Syrian pou-ounds) ...I'd decide to spend some more time in an internet cafe. 1000-pound notes are the bane of my life and at present all I have in my wallet is two of them. I need to make a dent in them. So, I'm back! Onto the week of EFDem.
On Tuesday a bunch of us went to the cinema, which was funny. We saw 'A Perfect Man' with Hilary Duff at the Cham Palace. Before you say anything, it was the only film showing. I think everyone actually enjoyed it though. It was mindless, if occasionally cringeworthy (and corny in extremis) light entertainment. Afterwards we discovered an excellent ice-cream and brownie place somewhere round the corner, so it would have been worth it just for that, anyway.
On Wednesday the same group of us went to the iftar being held at the Spanish Cultural Centre in Damascus, which we knew about through Will (the funny one) who is taking Spanish lessons there. (I'd kind of like to do the same, just to keep up my Spanish, but I'm struggling enough to tread water with all the Arabic work we get at the moment, so maybe when things even out a bit.) As an event, this was a bit of a mixed bag. We had planned to cook and take food as a group, but lessons had gone on long that day, and the Ramadan traffic was particularly bad, and we were very disorganised, and found ourselves contemplating the cooking of a bunch of hastily bought ingredients in a kitchen that might kindly be called minimally equipped, half an hour before we needed to leave. (yep.) The long and the short of it was that we borrowed one of my landlady's big pots to cook it in and then to carry it in as well, and then (and I think this had a whiff of inevitability about it) at the end of the night, when it came time to go and we looked for our big pot to take it home - it wasn't there. Well, the lid was there. But someone had taken the big pot. (Though why would you just take the pot and not the lid?) Cue a somewhat upset landlady...
The event itself was good, though. The food was absolutely gorgeous, especially the umpteen rice dishes that different people had brought, and it was a huge crush at first and you had to eat standing up and it seemed like if you didn't hurry all the food might go, so you had to eat quickly. I felt stuffed afterwards.
On Thursday evening some of the guys in our class held a party at their house, at which the entire foreign student population of Bab Touma seemed to be present, plus a few Syrians. The party was graced by some severely dangerous punch. Anyway, it was a lot of fun. I told a guy who shall remain nameless that he was horrible for trying to take a photo of me and immediately he and another one of them tried to induce me into a screaming contest with him on the top of their roof. I think this was supposed to be amusing because I'm normally quiet. I just said no and gave them a few seconds to forget about it completely, which as they were drunk seemed likely. And then there was dancing and such. Some of us went to a club afterwards and danced there, and that was fun, too.
Actually, looking back at all that, it doesn't sound like such a bad week. It sounds like all I do here is go on holiday and go out and go to parties! (That really isn't true. I also spend a lot of time sitting inside and outside the internet cafe.)
Speaking seriously, though, the demoralisation has more to do with Arabic in general, the nature of our classes at the university, and my own personality. This is the broadest of summaries, but, in our class, there is a group of about four guys who know each other pretty well and are close friends and went to public school and are of the - fairly self-assured brand of personality, let's say. There are three other guys who can hold their own against them, more or less, if they try, though they don't always. The remaining four of us are girls. It wasn't so evident at the beginning, when we were all in the same boat (ha, sorry, see below) of confusion and ignorance and could all (or not) assert ourselves equally, but in class, particularly when it comes to speaking, the growing tendency has been for the public school boys to dominate. They have this dynamic whereby they feed off one another, making jokes, telling stories, and it can make it very hard for those who are quieter or less confident to break in.
Okay, this is all well and good and it's not a new situation. But on Thursday, at the end of the class (this was after we'd done a 'who will you throw off the boat?' exercise for which we were supposed to have chosen jobs beforehand but a number of us hadn't and consequently there was among us a diplomat, a doctor, a housewife, a farmer, Baloo the happy bear, the cook of Baloo the happy bear, a peasant, and a teacher who midway through the conversation decided to become a man of religion, who promptly got thrown off the boat) and because we had recently handed in evaluations of the lessons and the teaching so far, Baloo the happy bear asked Manal what she thought of the class as a whole.
She proceeded to tell us, and then to tell each one of us, in front of everyone else, her impressions of us as individuals, in terms of our work and our class participation. I'm not sure this was the best approach to take, considering what she had to say - which was (among other things, obviously) effectively to praise the four boys to the skies, and criticise the quiet ones among us for not speaking more. Obviously this made the guys happy, but it has had the effect of demoralising some of the rest of us.
I think I'd have less of a problem with this if I hadn't already been trying to speak more in class, after she encouraged me privately, and found it extremely frustrating because I simply can't think quickly enough on the spot and hesitation or pausing to think loses me my chance to speak by giving it to someone else - either by their own interruption or through Manal asking them, and usually to one of the guys, who then proceeds to expound at length. I struggle to speak on the spot in front of a large group in my own language - having to do it in Arabic is not an aid. I have been trying. She cannot expect the rest of us to compete with the guys if she lets them dominate, surely - and there is a feeling among the rest of the class that she lets them dominate, whether justified or not, I don't know.
Also I felt a little bit insulted because when she gave me my evaluation in front of everyone else, she asked me if when I wrote, the words came from my head or if I used the dictionary a lot. She was looking for an explanation of why I didn't speak, I understand that. But how can you explain the difference between writing something on paper in the company of your paper and your thoughts only, and the pressure of having to speak in front of a group and produce words on the instant or you fail, effectively?
I have a feeling this problem is going to dog me for the rest of my days unless I do something about it, but I simply don't know what. Perhaps I need to be prepared to look a fool. Actually, I know that's what it is - I just need to say something, anything, get something out and not care what, and gradually I'll get accustomed to the feeling and be able to speak without losing the thread of my thoughts. Actually, that's funny - I just remembered a conversation that I had with Matt (of the Durham not the American variety) a couple of weeks ago. He said that he lied a lot, came out with all sorts of rubbish just in order to speak. Heh. Hm. The only problem with this that it's a course that's quite alien to me and I really don't think that I would find it easier to lie than to tell the truth.
Anyway, so as a result of what she said at the end of that class, some of us came out feeling a bit demoralised. It had been building up for a while, I think, and on top of the exhaustion and frustration from the lessons (which are a bit of a pressure-cooker of a situation, to be honest - four hours a day with the same teacher and the same people) and from the work, that simply catalysed it. I know I came out feeling absolutely wretched and as if I were being faulted for my personality, and it turned out not to be just me.
Anyway. Time gives perspective, and you can't continue to feel demoralised indefinitely - you either have to give up or become more determined to bring about a change. Maybe that was her aim, to provoke us into being louder? A bit of a gamble, if so. We'll see, I guess! The thing is that it's easy enough to resolve to do something but when push comes to shove...somehow it doesn't, quite. But we'll see.
This was a complete rant and I'm very sorry. On a positive note, my landlady fed me lunch yesterday, two full helpings (I only asked for a little more the second time, so I don't know what she thinks is a lot) and some kind of semolina pudding today, which was really nice. And I got masses of work done today - in fact, work is all I've done today. Oh, and it's been raining! I think the famous rains have started. It rained this morning, and there was some thunder this afternoon, which was quite thrilling.
And that's enough. I've still got some words to learn, and I must have spent enough time on here by now to make a dent in that 1000-pound note...
On Tuesday a bunch of us went to the cinema, which was funny. We saw 'A Perfect Man' with Hilary Duff at the Cham Palace. Before you say anything, it was the only film showing. I think everyone actually enjoyed it though. It was mindless, if occasionally cringeworthy (and corny in extremis) light entertainment. Afterwards we discovered an excellent ice-cream and brownie place somewhere round the corner, so it would have been worth it just for that, anyway.
On Wednesday the same group of us went to the iftar being held at the Spanish Cultural Centre in Damascus, which we knew about through Will (the funny one) who is taking Spanish lessons there. (I'd kind of like to do the same, just to keep up my Spanish, but I'm struggling enough to tread water with all the Arabic work we get at the moment, so maybe when things even out a bit.) As an event, this was a bit of a mixed bag. We had planned to cook and take food as a group, but lessons had gone on long that day, and the Ramadan traffic was particularly bad, and we were very disorganised, and found ourselves contemplating the cooking of a bunch of hastily bought ingredients in a kitchen that might kindly be called minimally equipped, half an hour before we needed to leave. (yep.) The long and the short of it was that we borrowed one of my landlady's big pots to cook it in and then to carry it in as well, and then (and I think this had a whiff of inevitability about it) at the end of the night, when it came time to go and we looked for our big pot to take it home - it wasn't there. Well, the lid was there. But someone had taken the big pot. (Though why would you just take the pot and not the lid?) Cue a somewhat upset landlady...
The event itself was good, though. The food was absolutely gorgeous, especially the umpteen rice dishes that different people had brought, and it was a huge crush at first and you had to eat standing up and it seemed like if you didn't hurry all the food might go, so you had to eat quickly. I felt stuffed afterwards.
On Thursday evening some of the guys in our class held a party at their house, at which the entire foreign student population of Bab Touma seemed to be present, plus a few Syrians. The party was graced by some severely dangerous punch. Anyway, it was a lot of fun. I told a guy who shall remain nameless that he was horrible for trying to take a photo of me and immediately he and another one of them tried to induce me into a screaming contest with him on the top of their roof. I think this was supposed to be amusing because I'm normally quiet. I just said no and gave them a few seconds to forget about it completely, which as they were drunk seemed likely. And then there was dancing and such. Some of us went to a club afterwards and danced there, and that was fun, too.
Actually, looking back at all that, it doesn't sound like such a bad week. It sounds like all I do here is go on holiday and go out and go to parties! (That really isn't true. I also spend a lot of time sitting inside and outside the internet cafe.)
Speaking seriously, though, the demoralisation has more to do with Arabic in general, the nature of our classes at the university, and my own personality. This is the broadest of summaries, but, in our class, there is a group of about four guys who know each other pretty well and are close friends and went to public school and are of the - fairly self-assured brand of personality, let's say. There are three other guys who can hold their own against them, more or less, if they try, though they don't always. The remaining four of us are girls. It wasn't so evident at the beginning, when we were all in the same boat (ha, sorry, see below) of confusion and ignorance and could all (or not) assert ourselves equally, but in class, particularly when it comes to speaking, the growing tendency has been for the public school boys to dominate. They have this dynamic whereby they feed off one another, making jokes, telling stories, and it can make it very hard for those who are quieter or less confident to break in.
Okay, this is all well and good and it's not a new situation. But on Thursday, at the end of the class (this was after we'd done a 'who will you throw off the boat?' exercise for which we were supposed to have chosen jobs beforehand but a number of us hadn't and consequently there was among us a diplomat, a doctor, a housewife, a farmer, Baloo the happy bear, the cook of Baloo the happy bear, a peasant, and a teacher who midway through the conversation decided to become a man of religion, who promptly got thrown off the boat) and because we had recently handed in evaluations of the lessons and the teaching so far, Baloo the happy bear asked Manal what she thought of the class as a whole.
She proceeded to tell us, and then to tell each one of us, in front of everyone else, her impressions of us as individuals, in terms of our work and our class participation. I'm not sure this was the best approach to take, considering what she had to say - which was (among other things, obviously) effectively to praise the four boys to the skies, and criticise the quiet ones among us for not speaking more. Obviously this made the guys happy, but it has had the effect of demoralising some of the rest of us.
I think I'd have less of a problem with this if I hadn't already been trying to speak more in class, after she encouraged me privately, and found it extremely frustrating because I simply can't think quickly enough on the spot and hesitation or pausing to think loses me my chance to speak by giving it to someone else - either by their own interruption or through Manal asking them, and usually to one of the guys, who then proceeds to expound at length. I struggle to speak on the spot in front of a large group in my own language - having to do it in Arabic is not an aid. I have been trying. She cannot expect the rest of us to compete with the guys if she lets them dominate, surely - and there is a feeling among the rest of the class that she lets them dominate, whether justified or not, I don't know.
Also I felt a little bit insulted because when she gave me my evaluation in front of everyone else, she asked me if when I wrote, the words came from my head or if I used the dictionary a lot. She was looking for an explanation of why I didn't speak, I understand that. But how can you explain the difference between writing something on paper in the company of your paper and your thoughts only, and the pressure of having to speak in front of a group and produce words on the instant or you fail, effectively?
I have a feeling this problem is going to dog me for the rest of my days unless I do something about it, but I simply don't know what. Perhaps I need to be prepared to look a fool. Actually, I know that's what it is - I just need to say something, anything, get something out and not care what, and gradually I'll get accustomed to the feeling and be able to speak without losing the thread of my thoughts. Actually, that's funny - I just remembered a conversation that I had with Matt (of the Durham not the American variety) a couple of weeks ago. He said that he lied a lot, came out with all sorts of rubbish just in order to speak. Heh. Hm. The only problem with this that it's a course that's quite alien to me and I really don't think that I would find it easier to lie than to tell the truth.
Anyway, so as a result of what she said at the end of that class, some of us came out feeling a bit demoralised. It had been building up for a while, I think, and on top of the exhaustion and frustration from the lessons (which are a bit of a pressure-cooker of a situation, to be honest - four hours a day with the same teacher and the same people) and from the work, that simply catalysed it. I know I came out feeling absolutely wretched and as if I were being faulted for my personality, and it turned out not to be just me.
Anyway. Time gives perspective, and you can't continue to feel demoralised indefinitely - you either have to give up or become more determined to bring about a change. Maybe that was her aim, to provoke us into being louder? A bit of a gamble, if so. We'll see, I guess! The thing is that it's easy enough to resolve to do something but when push comes to shove...somehow it doesn't, quite. But we'll see.
This was a complete rant and I'm very sorry. On a positive note, my landlady fed me lunch yesterday, two full helpings (I only asked for a little more the second time, so I don't know what she thinks is a lot) and some kind of semolina pudding today, which was really nice. And I got masses of work done today - in fact, work is all I've done today. Oh, and it's been raining! I think the famous rains have started. It rained this morning, and there was some thunder this afternoon, which was quite thrilling.
And that's enough. I've still got some words to learn, and I must have spent enough time on here by now to make a dent in that 1000-pound note...
posted by imeander at 9:22 AM
6 Comments:
I really struggle to think on my feet. It's why I gave up on the whole Barrister idea. I'm pretty good pen to paper but things just don't work fast enough when my mouth gets involved.
A lot of the time, to keep up with people like those guys, you have to start talking before you've actually decided what you're going to say. As in, you have half an idea when you start the sentence and use the time between starting the sentence and the end to figure out the rest of the sentence! How scary is that!
Sam, my partner on news, is pretty quick-witted, and I'm kind of sucked into repartee with him. But lots of times I'll mess up a comeback with the wrong words or start a comeback and then go, "hm... that was going to try to be a joke, but it's not quite working". Gah!
I think it is something that gets better with practice, though, and yes, that may begin with you saying things less than perfectly if you have to squeeze them into a short timeframe.
I do think your teacher is out of line. It's basic teacher practice to give people equal chances and to not let the confident ones speak all the time and overwhelm the others.
Anyway, best of luck and keep your head up.
What James said. Start talking before you finish thinking. And a lot of the times the teacher or someone will suggest something and ou can feed off of that.
I normally don't say much unless it is a class I am really confident in. Which sort of defeats the purpose, as if it is a class I have trouble in, I should speak up. But sometimes if a teacher insists on push comes to shove, you really just have to think, you want a shove, I'll give you a shove. Sometimes you just have to get annoyed. On a day you find yourself being quiet, remember how you felt after that class and let yourself stew a little bit and then maybe you'll have the courage to say something.
I do have a bit of a stuttering problem, or a lot of the times I can't figure out how the words are supposed to go, or what word would be good to use, so I tend think it isn't worth the trouble saying anything. Which is why I won't say anything unless I am very confident (although in a couple of classes, I was able to have a friend interpret for me when I was having a hard time getting a sentence right, lol). Also, half the time my face turns bright red and I do lose my train of thought.
I do think that was the wrong way for your teacher to go about it. Embarassing people isn't the best incentive to get people to talk more.
That sucks about the pot. That's the sort of thing that makes me feel really irrationally guilty. Not saying that you should feel irrationally guilty, of course!
Also, I just did another paper for a class and I had like ten minutes to spare. I am in fact writing this in the classroom. Yay for laptops. The class hasn't started yet, which further distinguishes my preparedness. That I had enough time that I actually wasn't late for the class.
Also, are you trying to do like that song for the subject heading? If I had a million dollars?
Also, are you trying to do like that song for the subject heading? If I had a million dollars?
Are you thinking of the Barenakedladies version, oh, mysterious voice that speaks from the classroom?
What other version is there?
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